3 Communication Tips: What You Say Makes A Difference
"Keep away from people who belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great."--Mark Twain
Charismatic and powerful people have a way with words. Good communication skills are valuable tools that can attract and increase your business. With words, you can empower, or they can diminish. When you speak, do you connect with others? Do they feel understood, appreciated and acknowledged? When you talk to yourself, what reality do you create? The words we say to others and the words we say to ourselves all shape our experience and reality.
Let's explore three areas and look at some ways to enhance your effectiveness:
Speaking To Others
A good communicator is aware of others and speaks to them in a way that connects. You have a natural style that will connect with others with the same style and they will automatically feel comfortable with you. But you will not connect with the other 75% who have a different style unless you are aware and adapt your natural style. The Golden Rule gets turned into what's been called the Platinum Rule, where you do unto others in the way they'd prefer, rather than the way you'd prefer. It can build trust and make a BIG difference!
Your words can soothe others or hurt them. You can build someone up or tear them down. You can expand the future for someone or diminish it.
Your words can be a sword or a valentine. Sometimes when you withold them, you can hurt others and by expressing them, you can bring a warm and wonderful feeling alive where none was present before the words were spoken.
COACH'S TIP -- Watch for the next 24 hours for the impact you create with your words have. Is the impact what you are intending? Do you take every opportunity to thank and acknowledge people, instead of just thinking it and assuming they know? Do you take time to build others, noticing and pointing out their strengths? Do you express your feelings and give others the gift of your intimacy?
At any moment you have the ability to change another's experience by the gift of your words. Are you unconditionally constructive with everything you say? What would it take to do that?
The power that our words have in speaking to ourselves is even greater. And our subconscious gets its programming from what we say. I caught myself on the tennis court after a bad shot, saying, "You always hit the ball into the net like that, Joeann."
Whoops, I thought, I bet those kind of messages do damage to my tennis game. So now I say, "Gosh, that's not how you know to hit that ball!" It's easy, though, to berate ourselves. First, many of us have been told not to boast or be proud. We are not comfortable speaking and sharing our accomplishments. Secondly, the gremlin voice is usually ready and waiting with some remembrance that someone said long ago to berate us and we stored it and repeat it when things don't go well, continuing to program our subconscious that we are incompetent, unable, etc.
COACH'S TIP -- For the next 24 hours, notice each time you think or speak negatively about or to yourself, IMMEDIATELY reframe and direct the comment into a positive one. Decide to bring this awareness to every day. You can create a whole new reality about what you are capable of by being vigilant in this area.
Affirmations and Shifts
So much of our communicating is of the knee-jerk, reactive type and not designed to build others up or ourselves. And, remember, building others up doesn't mean diminishing yourself. Be careful of trying to force yourself to be someone you are not. Happiness isn't about conforming to who you "should" be or what you need to get better at, but it is about being true to yourself-your best self-that self you have always wanted to be. Picasso wouldn't have focused on the fact he wasn't a great musician -- he would drop the "fix the weakness" thing and reveled, instead, in using his strengths and natural brilliance at being an artist! Appreciate and let out who you ALREADY are! Life is too short to perfect your weaknesses.
COACH'S TIP -- Make two lists for yourself. The first is, "What I want for others." This would be how you want others feel from having been around you. For instance: What I want for others is for them to be more in touch with their natural brilliance and talents. The second list is, "Who I am at my very best." For instance: I am someone who is focused and produces extraordinary results, joyfully with no struggle. Then read your lists at least once a day. Or better yet, tape them and play them while you are in your car. Feel free to change as you fully internalize and begin to have no doubts about your statements. These affirmations can remind you of what is really important to you and why you are here on this planet.
Your words are what you create your world and your daily experiences with. What reality do you want to live in? Is that what you have been saying? Watch your words and you'll see a shift in your world.
(Joeann Fossland, Certified e-PRO Trainer, GRI, PMN, is a Master Certified Coach and Founder of the Web Women Giving Circle. Joeann is the Creator of The Real Estate Game®, the most effective group coaching available. You can reach her by e-mail.)